What About Your Friends?

F R I E N D S H I P .

This term describes a bond amongst unique yet similar individuals that can be developed at the most random times. It is a term that I hold to a high esteem and honestly this word doesn’t adequately describe the true essence and potential that can be created when groups of men and/or women come together. Friendship, is the embodiment of resilience, hope, laughter, and freedom of expression when people choose to share themselves with others.

There is no single group of friends that is common across the board. Simply because different people bring different energy, views, opinions and personalities to one setting. You know, you have the gossip friend that knows all the tea, the know it all/strong friend, the Mom/Dad/Unk/TT friend, the wild friend, the never single friend, the adventurous/on the go friend, the no filter friend, the nerdy/introvert friend, the therapist friend & the list goes on!

“They kept it real so I kept them close” – Unknown

If I’m being honest, I don’t think we truly realize how important friendship is to our everyday existence. Like any relationship, there will be ups and downs, highs and lows but a narrative that I’m too used to seeing is one where there are a plethora of small disagreements among the group, hidden in the shadows that once brought to the surface can tear the whole thing apart. See, friends fall out with each other everyday but the true difference in the statistical numbers is in the ratio of people willing to put their ego and pride aside and find a solution to a bond they really want to keep.

In an old podcast, one of the hosts said:

“In our relationships, we make demands. Don’t cheat on me, don’t lie to me, support me, communicate with me etc. but how many times do we make that clear with our friendships?”

We make sure our man/woman KNOWS what makes us happy and what doesn’t but we EXPECT our friend to just know. We believe there is a universal code for friendship but the more we assume that everyone knows how to befriend us the more disappointed we get when things go wrong.

Let me make this more personal for you.

I can say among my friendships I wear many hats: therapist friend, strong friend, peacemaker friend, mom friend, wild friend, Christian friend etc. I was also the bridge among my friends when there was an underlying disagreement. My main role was the secret holding friend. I knew what everyone was thinking, when they were thinking it and how long they were thinking it. There were truths and emotions that I had to keep within the safety of my own mind simply because we all lacked one thing:

Raw Communication

I have always held my friendships to a high esteem because my girls mean the world to me. I wanted all of my friends happy and was willing to break the trust of everyone individually to rebuild a bond collectively. I was walking through the realms of friendship with a biased outlook. It wasn’t until it became personal for me, that I truly understood how a lack of communication regarding expectations can take a hold on something and someone.

The day of reckoning came for me and boy did my entire outlook on friendship change. I could finally stand in every person’s shoes and see how one moment of disappointment, one heartbreak, one defeat from the person/people you think would never do you like that could alter the very existence of a bond that seemed unbreakable.

Instead of me doing what I had always done, [looked for a possible solution, aimed to fix things, acknowledge the situation and see both sides], I joined the bandwagon and utilized every attempt I could to join the dark side of friendship. Why is it that every time we are hurt by the person we claim to be our friend, we take it to Sally, Jim, John and Katie (the outsiders) than the one on the inside? Why do we as women have this fairy tale about friendship? We will disappoint, hurt, scare, argue and disagree with each other but that isn’t grounds for automatic removal.

I believe my day of reckoning was purposeful and once I got back into my “wise friend” position, I was able to be the bridge that didn’t separate us further but aim to find a mutual ground. On that day, I had to stop living in the clouds of easy forgiveness and be the example. Understanding that we’re human, we make mistakes and friendship is not going to just last without hard work and honest communication. It also humbled me, forcing me to evaluate myself: am I the friend I feel I so rightfully deserve? Do I communicate? Do I seek to understand even during my own wrongdoings?

THINK ABOUT IT.

Do you ALWAYS do what you want others to do for you?

It’s never too late to communicate with your girls. Let your friends know you need a prayer. Let them know you need that space and maybe you’ll discuss what was wrong later. Let them know if you need advice or are struggling. Even vent to them about the situations you all have endured that may have rubbed you the wrong way. THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR. If not, that underlying issue will steer its ugly head and ruin everything you all worked for. You don’t plan trips and tell secrets to people you don’t trust! Trust them 1000%

We are not going to love them every single day. They’re going to say some things we don’t like, become argumentative or maybe even judgemental about our personal choices and sometimes you all will just clash but oh boy those laughs. Those laughs and memories are worth SO MUCH MORE than that issue. Our friends can’t read our minds and sometimes they are wrong but simply just want to be understood. It starts with communicating about feelings because if they are truly your best friends they’ll know that nothing is ever said with ill intentions but to always steer you near growth.

Love your friends. Cherish your friends. Communicate with your friends. Support your friends. Laugh with your friends. Fight for your friends.

What’s important to you in a friendship and do you think we need to discuss it more in the beginning stages? Has there been any friends within the group that had an issue with each other? How did you all handle it? Let’s Talk!