Testimony Vol 2: Me vs Me

So tell me this: What would it take to get you to walk deeper into your life? To walk deeper into loving yourself more with every step you take. And when I say “loving yourself”, I really mean loving yourself unconditionally. That means being able to look at all the aspects of your life, even the ones that you’d like to change, and still loving them. I don’t mean that you have to to be happy about everything that is you. There’s no doubt that you can still seek to change, alter, and improve yourself, but we want to do that from a place of self-compassion and self-love – Excerpt from Letters to a Young Sister

WELCOME BACK! If you are just tuning into the Testimony series I recommend you read Testimony Vol. 1  that touches on the love battle we have within ourselves. Here in Vol. 2 we’ll take a deeper look towards the negative aspect of the ego so we no longer fall victim to our own self-sabotaging techniques but find strength in our most vulnerable moments. 

Inner Me vs Enemy 

“The devil made me do it!” “The devil set me up!” “Chyle, the devil is busy!”

I don’t know if it’s just me but I was raised under the notion that God gives the devil permission to test you. Though we may have this idea, some of us forget that we have the power to ruin our own blessings and take away our own happiness. The mind can have a major affect on behavior and while people may attribute their sabotaging techniques to Satan or other people, sometimes it is just a simple lack of responsibility.

Here is a link that sheds light on being your own worst enemy  or click here for 30 ways we self-sabotage

Change the mind, and the body will follow

Change the spirit, and reality will shift 

How many times have you talked yourself out of doing something so amazing? How many times have you downplayed your own progress? How many times have you allowed your should’ve, could’ve, would’ve’s to dismiss your journey? How many times have you allowed your suppressed trauma’s to make you feel like you aren’t deserving of what you have now? No matter the evidence in front of them, most people just simply cannot get out of their heads! Why can’t you succeed?Because your always reflecting on the negative things people have said? Because you’re constantly looking at someone else’s bucket of blessings when you have no clue what they did to get there? Because you’re so wrapped up in what destruction or wasted time you see versus having faith the size of a mustard seed?

Think about it! Most of the time when you’re sad, anxious or any other feeling it is because of how you made yourself feel. We have got to stop finding ways to make ourselves feel bad for the progress we have made or the lack thereof and start finding ways to reduce self-sabotaging behaviors. Just because this experience feels unfamiliar and we think we don’t know how to handle it doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve it.

In what ways can I reduce the “negative inner me“?

Glad you asked! Watch what you say to yourself! How you handle you during the highs and lows of life will determine how you perceive your reality, your life path and current situations. Be mindful of your inner monologue because how you talk to you unconsciously teaches other people how to as well. It is time you stop downplaying where you are and appreciate the growth no matter the level. Maybe you thought you were supposed to be further ahead but think of the blessings and lessons you’ve encountered and conquered thus far. Shifting your perspective to find the lesson and positive moment in everything will take off the veil of defeat to produce new vision for wins.

My biggest suggestion is writing CONSISTENTLY. Getting the thoughts outside of your head debunks the brain and allots for a clear space to breathe. If you don’t have the time to write, call/text one of your trusted friends, vent to God or just talk to yourself outloud. You may even stumble upon a new idea or suggestion during your venting session. Some other suggestions include exercising, meditation/yoga, taking a vacation or a personal date, listening to music, writing down your accomplishments or positive quotes on sticky notes and placing them on your mirrors, listening to podcasts or even sitting in silence to give God the opportunity to talk and you just listen (Pay attention to what you’re allowing to enter into your eye and ear gates! It can either feed you or kill you!). There are so many options to reducing negative thinking because the inner me can kill us quicker than the enemy. Sometimes we’re so used to being on the negative end that we couldn’t even imagine being on the positive. You deserve it! Accept the things that you can change and allow God to handle the rest. You’re only doing the best you can with what you have.

Reminder: Everyday will not be peaches & cream. You will have moments of sadness, moments of weakness and moments you will beat yourself up. It is natural but there is a line between sitting in the emotions and staying in them everyday. You can only remove feelings of regret or stress once you address things head on. Suppressing or acting like they aren’t there will only make things worst.

I Forgive Me

Forgiveness.

A touchy word that people like to throw around in conversations without actually understanding the work needed behind it. I’ve learned over the years that forgiveness does not justify an action/behavior, it does not create or significantly mend a specific friendship nor does it make you weak or a pushover. Forgiveness allows you as the impaired individual the room to see a new perspective: that someone made a bad decision like we all do and opens the door for peace, joy and freedom from pain.

People like to discuss how you have to forgive the people who hurt you but what about the person that let that “bad” person in? What about forgiving the individual that made the decisions that led to that disaster of a situation? Can you give love to the part of you that at one point made a wrong turn when they thought that was the right decision to make? Providing love for this specific part of you and honoring the past (I love you, thank you, please forgive me) allows you to authentically move forward. We’ll forgive everyone else but think we are so unworthy of that same forgiveness. A part of self-awareness and self-love is taking responsibility for the moments you allowed yourself to make unhealthy decisions or react in an unhealthy manner. The other part is knowing that that is no longer apart of you and who you are now. You do not make the same decisions nor think the same way as you used to.

DO NOT LET YOUR PAST DICTATE OR CONTROL YOUR FUTURE.

I forgave myself by accepting the choices I made, taking responsibility for them and making a promise to myself that I would not go there again. It doesn’t happen overnight or within a 30 day period. Exercising forgiveness is a lifestyle and if it’s not conquered, you will know. I can no longer be a slave to my past because I’ve actively made a decision to be the person sis never even dreamed of. I have more to do and a purpose to fulfill. This requires me to forgive and give love to every part of me that I disliked, discounted, disrespected and dismissed every single day.

“Wounds heal and scars fade away. You gotta let go of the things from the past because it  just doesn’t matter anymore. The only thing that matters is what you choose to be now” – Po the Dragon Warrior

 There is no where for my inner me or my ego to go to. She is apart of who I am however I am not powerless over her. I dictate, define and control who she is, what she says/does and how she thinks. I wanted this testimony series to shed light on factors that are necessary for us to establish within ourselves because if we don’t, someone or something else will.

Are you content and grateful for your alone time or simply just lonely as you try to fill a void? Do you define your moments of self gratitude as loving or loathing? Is your toughest, strongest and most vile enemy inside you? Have you forgiven the one you just can’t run away from? Are your situations waking up the warrior or worrier within you? Have these last years made you bitter or better? I can’t answer any of these for you but I hope this information brought you the answers. 

You have the opportunity DAILY to be better and do better. The question is will you take it. As this new year approaches what is one thing that you can focus on redefining, refreshing, revisiting or relearning? Feel free to let me know! If you need an ear Jane Doe is here! Hope you all enjoyed your holiday and have a Happy New Year! I’ll see you January 1st =)