(Wo)Man in the Mirror
“I’d just seen that everyone’s just coming out of some trouble or about to go into some trouble. Every time you look into someone’s face you’re looking in the mirror” – Excerpt from Everything Happens for a Reason
As a Christian we are often influenced and taught to ask God to remove whatever and whoever that isn’t beneficial to us or His will. My constant prayer to God is for Him to reveal me to myself so that I may understand what it is within me that must be changed to become a ready and willing vessel to be utilized for His work. Understanding what is both good and bad about myself, through self-reflection, provides a good explanation as to why I maybe dealing with certain situations and why I haven’t progressed in others. Though we all want to be like our Father in Heaven and continue to change for the good, sometimes what we find out about ourselves is not always an easy pill to swallow. It serves as a constant reminder to not only be careful for what you pray for but be ready to be challenged and groomed in the process.
A person from my past said to me one day, “you know, you do a lot of things you say you hate. You do the same things you tell everybody else that they do wrong.” I didn’t understand where he was coming from then nor did I truly WANT to but I definitely recognize now.
I like to think that humans are very prideful creatures who love to act like their stuff could never stink. We can criticize each other from A-Z but once the tables are turned we get defensive, we make excuses, we get an attitude and want to end the conversation or just simply tell you that you’re wrong. I’ve done all of the above on numerous occasions. I always liked to live in this fantasy idea that I’m this perfect person and that I am doing everything that I can correctly .. WRONG. Though I was offended by his comment, it made more sense for me to argue my case rather than accept the reality that it maybe true.
See, when your ego is bruised and you lack the full capacity to acknowledge the difference between a truth or a lie, pride becomes the initial emotional agent that responds on your behalf.
Luckily a recent event revealed to me that he really was right and that life will show you on multiple occasions how you are, through the way you perceive others.
Recently, I vented my frustrations about someone to a friend of mine. I expressed to her how he seems to have a wall built up and no matter what type of change happens, it won’t last for too long because of his feeling of discomfort. It was then that I realized I was looking and talking about myself.
I’ve always wrestled with the feeling of discomfort and if it began to consume me, I would go right back to what made me feel safe and secure thus counteracting my change. While in that space of discomfort, I never asked nor cared to know how frustrating it may have been for those on the other end. In that present moment, I was getting irritated with him but it was really me I was looking at. I finally got to see what that circumstance looked like for so many people around me and how difficult it may have been for them to help me through it or push me back towards that uncomfortable feeling.
God has a funny way of revealing to you how ugly a certain characteristic is in hopes that it may lead you to wanting to change it on your own. I realized that everyone can be related to; have been where I’ve been, is getting ready to walk in my shoes or currently is. Life becomes much more manageable and people become less evil when you can imagine the deeper meaning behind some of the physical or verbal things they do.
In uncomfortable situations, the guy I was referring to earlier would physically shut down and verbally change to a more insensitive person, bringing that wall right back up. Overlooking what I could see physically, I challenged myself to understand what maybe behind it. He had some insecurities about certain things that were brought up in conversation. He had some fears that seemed to be altering in front of him that he did not think he would be able to handle. He was becoming vulnerable and a little more open than he had planned.
Things that may make you uncomfortable on the inside can be displayed in negative ways on the outside. I had been in his shoes. I had felt what he felt and in those moments I chose to be closed off instead of transparent. Understanding his actions at a deeper level made me not only decline the urge to take anything he said or did to heart but really reflect on whether I acted the same way before and who I may have made upset in that process as well.
I challenge you in this moment, to look and reflect back on situations where you may have responded “negatively” and think about what feelings it may bring up, what it was teaching you and see if it was ultimately testing you. The transition to being open minded, patient and understanding presents itself through people reflecting what you look like when you respond negatively; testing to see if you’ll react differently. The test isn’t in the form of just seeing better in people but in seeing better in you through the eyes of people.
There is always a reason behind someone’s comments, their actions and their behaviors. A lot of the disagreements between people happen because one person or another has some deeper issues going on at the time where this moment is perfect for them to release them (projection). You just so happen to be the lucky person it will be towards. I encourage everyone, including myself, to look into the deeper meanings behind situations because we are ultimately looking at our self (either the past self or our current self).
Message vs. Messenger
Often times we miss the message due to the messenger. I could not accept the constructive criticism (given to me in the earlier example) simply because of how I perceived him and the tone in his delivery. He had a lot of faults and a lot of negative attributes so why should I believe there is any ounce of truth in his statements. I could not see him being right because of his character and simply because he didn’t truly know me. Honestly, his character, his word choice and his persona but none of that mattered because the message was for me and he didn’t have to “know” me to know that. Because of my ignorance, pride, ego and chosen negative perspective, I missed an exponential moment of growth. I may have been on the verge of a breakthrough with this being the last test of MY character but I missed the train because I was too focused on him. God put it in plain English for me back then and if I remember correctly, I had been subliminally given the same message for awhile. It wasn’t until I was slapped in the face with the reality of ME that I could see what He had been trying to tell me all along.
We have to understand that everyone goes through either the same or similar situations as us. Though the details maybe different, the way we tend to respond may go one in the same. When you’re on the path towards deeper self-reflection, conscious insight and exploring new elements within certain situations, everything will be brought back to you in a new light. The old me would have accepted everything my friend was expressing on the surface, pushed him to the side and allowed his wall to build and our friendship to fade. The new me understands at a deeper level, looking not only from the surface but within, influencing me to bare with him at a time like this because I too have been in his position and still currently am.
Has there ever been a time where you missed an important message because you were too stuck on the person that was telling you? Did the message ever repeat itself in your life? Lets talk!
Until Next Time